i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Randomize
