Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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