Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
