Midget sex pt 2 tonight
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
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