Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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