dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
