It's like God shit irony all over that family
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
