I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
