so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
