Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
