uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
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