They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
