i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
