so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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