On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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