I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
