There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
