I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
