Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Randomize
