i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
