im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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