Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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