I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
