Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
