I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
