I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
