HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
