Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Randomize
