i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
No stitches, just platelets and will power
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
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