Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
