i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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