While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
