I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
