i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
