What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
