nut hugger
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
