fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
