The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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