I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
