Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
