but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
