New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Randomize
