Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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