I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
