My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
