So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
