Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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