this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Randomize
