she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
