dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
