He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
