How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
