Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
