and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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