You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Randomize
