I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Randomize
